An empty page

An empty page, coarse paper sheet, I pick up a block of graphite. I have no
idea, what am I doing here at this time and space. This zone. I have no
idea, if this would be a creation or chaos. I am getting sucked up into a
whirlpool. Feelings of being stifled are crowding my being. A sense of
emptiness, which for a while, felt like being filled up finally! And yet

Is it me? Is it true that am beginning to be a emotional freak too much of
asking of your own heart and mind!

Feel like getting off everything, which needs an effort of emotions. It
just feels like am floating around, and its a maze am lost in, not
confusion, just too much clarity of and on things! Too much light, takes
the focus away exactly the way, too much of content takes away the purpose
of living.

Feel like off orbit and the gravity which I thought could finally keep me
anchored, itself is full of self doubts! Ah, the laws of nature! Can I
complain? Guess not!

Where is the non-existent best friend? Where is my sounding board? The type
which every one needs. The one which helps you throw the garbage out! Where
are you?

The morning light through the orange curtains and the blinds, paints a
zebra-striping on the creams of the wall. I haven't really slept a calm
wink and yet I need these few minutes willing them into an hour at least
uninterrupted to be with myself! I pocket these moments greedily.
Contemplation, perception, a hungry conversation with self a hunger for
creation, is things I subsist on. The house is humming with early morning
snugness and sleepy sighs.

I love the laughter, the bright colors a perfectly normal average
guy-next-door! And, why then, I keep getting into these crazy loops,
unintended. Falling off routine and everything else like on a slider… I
always hated those sliders even as a kid no control!

I let myself create the wildness on the paper, the incongruent images and
lines, a few scattered sentences

Is the desire to have sessile sustenance strike a balance with wildness of
the spirit, really abnormal?

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End